i am currently listening to yiruma's song called "Till I Find You" . a beautiful composition by Yiruma :)
hey guys . sorry for not updating anything meaningful lately . i 've been posting pictures even i feel like my blog has something missing right ?
these few weeks have been a turn off for me . i've been going through some emotion conflicts about myself , my family and my friends . things just started to get a hell out of me , it's pretty hard because i am really really afraid of losing my grip of my life . i've been crying hard , i was very grumpy . i get all angry easily and started to breath fire every time i got annoyed by anything . it's like everything around me triggers my angry mode switch .
for a few nights , i've been burying my head into the pillow , just crying till my heart's content . it's just sad to know that i am very prone to a break down whenever there are changes happening in my life . i am afraid , very indeed in fear that i cannot handle myself when facing all these changes .
life goes on as they say . but do you know that to move on is the hardest part of this "life goes on" process ?? i have been battling a lot these few days . battling with myself . and honestly , i can cry any minute right now .
i don't feel like myself anymore . i don't even know who i am before . how pathetic is that ? sometimes i really wished that i can go to this place where all my worries and fears are taken away so easily . and honestly i'm saying , my house doesn't feel like the place .
but i am not trying to say that my house is the cause of all my troubles . it is just that my house isn't THE PLACE that i've been searching this whole time . don't misunderstood my words :)
i want to find that place .
a place that never fails to make me feel refresh .
that makes me feel like i'm alive once more .
where my doubts are running free .
where my fears are buried underneath the soil
where my worries fly away like a flock of bird .
where my feelings are reset .
a place that gives me a feeling
that calmness like a lonely pool .
the serenity that shivers all over my body .
that place that says home , that feels home .
a place that shields me from the touch of misery
that send me away to the land of nowhere .
a place that feels home .
that place called home .
all this time , i have been very dishonest to myself and everyone else . i say opposite things to what i feel . i don't even know why it's hard for me to talk to anyone about what i feel . all that i am able to do is cry . it is just too hard and painful to me . sometimes it is just unbearable anymore , i just feel like running .
honestly , i have a low self-esteem .
i'm sorry . i think i've bored you guys with my rantings . just so you know , every time you guys read this , i absolutely appreciates your concern to waste a few minutes of your life to read this .
p/s : i'm sorry that i am not enough for you